Men, Love and Violence: A piece for the TOI
It’s said that the patriarchal violence women face gets acknowledged only when it kills her – when a case of domestic or intimate partner violence becomes a case of murder. At what point then do we recognise the violence that patriarchy enacts on men? The NCRB report for 2021, Crime in India, reveals that in 2021, nearly13,000 people killed themselves over love. 64% of these were young men aged 18-30. The fact that men disappointed in love do violence – either to others or themselves has little to do with love and much to do with what men are expected to be. Masculinity is a script each man must play out as a hero, which must end in triumph. Patriarchy tells men they are special and entitled to primacy – but it only celebrates those men who succeed by its narrow standards. Life is an exam question with one right and one wrong answer–dominate or be dominated. If you are not the winner, you are, obviously the loser, worthy of humiliation. To feel anguishe
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Sorry for contacting you via your blog, but I'm not sure how else to get you! We met several years ago in New York at the Harvey Molotch's "Outing the Water Closet": I've co- edited a book called Ladies & Gents. I'm off to South Africa to a workshop on urine diversion toilets next week and the organizers asked me today if I have any thoughts about interesting films/DVDs about toilets and gender. Naturally, I thought of yours and they're really keen to see it. It's a small group - about 10 people - but influential: all work in South African sanitation, either for various municipalities or for NGOs. Again, I realize this is VERY late notice, but is there any way we could find a copy? Can it be streamed anywhere?
I'd appreciate any advice.
Best, Barbara Penner (based in London, UK) b.penner@ucl.ac.uk